


i absolutely hate this

by stipulativeTzigane



Category: Dungeons and Daddies (Podcast)
Genre: Car Anxiety, Gen, Learning to Drive, Trans Male Character, driving anxiety, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-21
Updated: 2020-11-21
Packaged: 2021-03-10 07:27:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27649522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stipulativeTzigane/pseuds/stipulativeTzigane
Summary: Nick freaking out while learning how to drive.
Relationships: Glenn Close (dungeons and daddies) & Nicholas Close
Comments: 3
Kudos: 7





	i absolutely hate this

“I absolutely hate this.” 

“what?”

“the backing out of here” Nick set his jaw as the car went up over the curb, and he pulled back into the wider lot.

“Well, I guess that’s where I'm parking it every day.” Nick scowled at that, shifting into Drive, and pulling towards the road. Glenn was right, if backing-up was going to be a problem they should practice it. that was the whole point. Nick had to get comfortable driving. like Glenn. when Glenn drove you could tell he knew exactly where the car was and how it would move. just built-in ease that only came from experience. like he was somehow connected to the whole vehicle

The car felt extra uncomfortable today, he should have fiddled with the seat and mirrors, he had every other time, just to be sure. but today he had been ready to get out of the cold and had just buckled up. Besides all of that made him feel like a dork. like the car equivalent of organizing your pens before a test. 

Nick turned onto the road. he wanted to take a deep breath but fought it down. it was fine, this was fine. it was just driving, it was just a car. a fifteen-minute commute did not require, big deep breaths. this was utterly mundane and therefore mostly safe. Nick glanced at the Speedometer. 20mph, he carefully sped up, eyes scanning the road for any sign of unexplained movement. movement or lights movement or lights. 

the stoplight counted, and Nick was relieved when it turned red a full block before he got there. time to stop, and signal correctly. something always felt wrong about turning at greenlights, he always wanted to slow down, maybe a full stop just to collect himself, make sure there wasn't a rogue car flying in from one of the other directions. The light turned green and Nick turned onto Mainstreet. a pretty good turn, he’s been getting better at tightening those lefts. Glenn had said so yesterday. and today he could feel it. He tried to relax his shoulders. hands staying glued to the wheel. this was good, everything was good. Dr. Singer kept saying that holding tension in his body like that would only make him more anxious. Nick wasn't sure if that was true, but it made some sort of sense. Glenn was never tense when he drove, he tended to lounge across the seat. but then again Glenn tended to lounge everywhere. there was something in the way he moved, that just oozes ease. He was so  _ in _ his body, when he was younger Nick assumed that it came from age. Glenn moved like someone who had been moving in that body for most of his life, and Nick’s attempts at a similar demeanor were so off the mark because he was still new. 

he isn't new anymore though, he’d stopped growing almost five years ago and he still felt this big gap between what he wanted his body to do and what it was. He guessed that was probably a trans thing. that was actually the whole trans thing when you got right down to it. he wished he could know now if it was an experience or situational thing. like if this body was never going to feel easy like his Dad’s, then he could spend his time trying to be okay with that, rather than trying to put in the effort of making it look easy. 

he felt the same way about the car. Maybe someday he'll wake up the kind of guy who can just Drive like it’s a mundane thing. But what if he didn’t, what if this whole time he’s just putting himself and others at risk because he just wasn't a good driver. 

Glenn moved in the passenger seat. Nick focused upon the road. He felt like he had been doing pretty good. but from his peripheral he thought he could see Glenn’s head caulked staring at the dash he glanced down at the speedometer a troublesome 24mph stared back at him. that was probably it. it was 30 all through the town, and for a driver like Glenn that meant 35. Nick was technically being safe, just annoyingly so. He pressed down on the gas. and waited for Glenn to say something about it. 

he didn't, just shifted a bit. probably looking back out the windshield. Nick focused on keeping between the lines. there was another red light. and he caught just enough of it to come bumper to bumper with the car in front of him. He slowed until there was a little over a car’s length between them, and then tried to maintain around 30mph. it was good, this was good. Nick felt relieved at having an outside force to measure his speed against. He tried to relax his shoulders again. glancing up to the rearview, the car behind him definitely was closer than the one in front but it wasn't threatening yet. 

Glenn turned his head towards the dash again, and Nick looked down at the speedometer 28. he pressed just a bit harder on the gas, swallowing down the fear he felt like the gap between the cars closed. it was going to be okay. slow didn't mean safe. he should really try to keep it as close to 30mph as possible. and the whole two cars’ worth of space between you and others was for highways, where everyone's going 60. nothing to be this worried about. 

brake lights shone from the car in front of him, and Nick felt a wave of panic, as he realized the other car was going to turn onto a side street. He breathed, slowing to almost a stop, he could still feel Glenn’s judgment from the passenger seat. now they were almost bumper to bumper. He wasn't supposed to stop traffic, right? there was almost enough room to pass on the right. Nick’s jaw was wired shut as his arms stiffly turned into the bike lane, moving past a stopped car. there was no way he should have just stopped and waited, he was pretty sure, people passed in these situations. He was okay, this was fine. and now he had done it, and no one had gotten hurt, and everything was fine. 

he still felt tense, waiting for Glenn to say something to critique or confirm his decision. there was no reply. just icy silence. He must have fucked up. That was the only explanation. He should have stopped, should have asked, and now the man was so upset with him he couldn't even talk. Nick's nails dug into the plastic of the steering wheel, he let out a shaky breath, Glenn’s head turned again in his periphery and Nick looked to see he was only going 20mph, the car behind him was right on his ass now too. Nick could feel the active hatred radiate off both of them. tears burned in the back of his throat. He was almost home now, just a light and a turn, he just had to make it home. The worst thing he could do was start crying in front of Glenn while piloting a multi-ton vehicle and causing an accident. 

he sucked in air from between his teeth and focused on the act of driving itself, managing the mirrors, and his spacing on the road. The light was red when he got to it, and he stopped precisely in front of its glow. Glenn moved again. Nick allowed himself to feel thankful that at least the old man wasn't chewing him out while Nick was still driving, he wasn't sure he could take that. He would half pull over, within walking distance of the house now. His turn was a bit wide, and the shame of that was astronomical. 

He could see the house now. and he was so ready to pull into the driveway that he forgot to signal. There were no cars on this road but he knew Glenn would notice. He pulled into their parking spot. and put it in the park. Hands still glued to the Steering wheel, eyes locked forward, just waiting for Glenn to say something, anything about how badly that went. how his hesitancy almost caused a wreck, how he couldn't keep letting his emotions overwhelm him like this. but there was nothing. and after Nick couldn't stand the unyielding silence that was radiating from his Dad he turned to face the man. A mop of dark hair greeted him, obscuring the slack jaw feature of a sleeping Glenn. Nick watched in utter disbelief as the head nodded forward not to check the dash but under the weight of unconsciousness. 

\---

The sound of the car door slamming woke Glenn up. There was the familiar confusion of not knowing where he was. He unbuckled and rolled out of the cab. He was at home. He vaguely remembered picking up Nick from work, to let him drive. Glenn walked around the little car, looking for any damage, everything seemed fine. So Nick must have done good. Nice, solid parenting for the day, he decided to go in and have a celebratory joint. 

**Author's Note:**

> an actual thing that happened to me that I thought made sense for Nick and Glenn.
> 
> 1/24/21- I got my license today. I'm still anxious but getting better!


End file.
